A FOOL'S CRUSADE
Excerpt 2: Later in the story, our heroes end up on Tatooine. These scenes were inspired by the painting "No Country For Old Men" by Benjamin Carre.
As previously mentioned, this story was written in 2015, seven years before the Obi-Wan Kenobi series. Unfortunately, that series makes this story impossible within the official cannon. Still, I'm proud of the accomplishment that was writing this story and I'm heartened that I was able to incorporate themes and ideas used by professional writers.
EXT. TATOOINE - DUNE SEA; LATE MORNING
The SKIFF skims across the dessert. ARTOO and EURIPIDES sit towards the rear of the skiff, near the SKIFF PILOT and FIRST MATE. JAR JAR is standing at the bow, ears flapping in the wind: he’s king of the world! JAR JAR spies something on the horizon. Pointing at it, JAR JAR yells back at the SKIFF PILOT.
JAR JAR
Hey! Lookie! Lookie, lookie!
The SKIFF PILOT realizes the danger.
SKIFF PILOT
(cockney accent)
Sand storm. We’ll ‘ave ta find cover!
The skiff changes course as the storm closes in.
EXT. TATOOINE - CANYON PASSAGE
The skiff reaches a rocky canyon just as the storm hits. The canyon provides some shelter, keeping them out of the worst of the storm.
SKIFF PILOT
We should be safe here. Help me up with
the cover, eh?
The SKIFF CREW begin pulling a thick canvas shelter cover over the skiff. EURIPIDES and JAR JAR protect their faces and help out.
SKIFF PILOT
Don’t worry lads. As storms go, this one’s
none so bad. Should be on our way soon.
There’s nothing to hear but howling winds and gravel striking the skiff. Then something else is faintly heard over the wind.
JAR JAR
You’s a hearin’ that?
EURIPIDES
What?
After a moment, JAR JAR hears the sound again.
JAR JAR
That. Artidoo, you know knowing anything
there?
ARTOO raises a scanner. The roar is heard again, this time EURIPIDES and the SKIFF CREW hear it too. TUSKEN RAIDERS! ARTOO beeps to alert them.
SKIFF PILOT
San’ People!
The SKIFF CREW draw their weapons and aim blindly off of the side of the skiff. EURIPIDES does the same. JAR JAR crouches near ARTOO. TUSKEN cries echo off of the canyon walls. ARTOO beeps, reporting that they are surrounded.
Suddenly, a TUSKEN jumps onto the skiff, grabs the FIRST MATE, and drags the FIRST MATE over the side. Two blaster shots ring out followed by growling and a horrified scream. With that, the FIRST MATE is gone forever.
EURIPIDES
(to the pilot)
We need to get out of here.
SKIFF PILOT
Agreed.
The SKIFF PILOT reaches for the skiff controls. WHAM! The skiff is rammed by a charging BANTHA. The passengers are rocked and JAR JAR and the SKIFF PILOT fall to the ground; one more gracefully than the other. EURIPIDES jumps down after them.
EURIPIDES helps JAR JAR to his feet. A TUSKEN appears behind EURIPIDES, ready to strike. From the skiff above, ARTOO falls on top of the TUSKEN, knocking it senseless.
EURIPIDES and the SKIFF PILOT shoot at their attackers. But the haze of the storm plays tricks on them as they fire blindly at shadows.
EURIPIDES
Run for it!
JAR JAR and ARTOO head down the canyon, followed by EURIPIDES. The SKIFF PILOT takes up the rear but is overwhelmed by TUSKENS and is killed. The heroes keep running until JAR JAR skids to a halt. Their escape is blocked by three BANTHAS and over a dozen TUSKENS.
The wind and sand make for fog-like conditions. The TUSKENS are quietly growling in anticipation of the slaughter to come. The TUSKENS slowly close in on the heroes from all sides. ARTOO draws a couple of different weapons from his arsenal - a torch welder and buzz saw. The end is near.
Suddenly, there is a ghastly howl behind the TUSKENS. The TUSKENS ignore their prey and turn to view the source of the howl. A lone figure climbs a rocky outcropping. Gray hair and brown robes flutter in the wind. A BLUE LIGHTSABER is ignited with a powerful hiss. The intruder is no mere man, but a legendary JEDI KNIGHT. OBI-WAN KENOBI to the rescue.
The TUSKENS surround OBI-WAN and attack him. OBI-WAN jumps and flips in the air; landing among the TUSKENS. The slicing and dicing begins. EURIPIDES begins shooting. JAR JAR and ARTOO also join the fight.
JAR JAR picks up a discarded gaderffii stick and begins swinging. Unfortunately, EURIPIDES does not pay attention to what JAR JAR is doing and steps into JAR JAR’s back swing. EURIPIDES is struck on the head and accidentally knocked out.
A fortunate blow lands on OBI-WAN’s hand, knocking his LIGHTSABER to the ground. For a moment, OBI-WAN is surrounded and apparently defenseless. OBI-WAN uses the Force to push several Tuskens, knocking them to the ground. OBI-WAN reaches into his robes and pulls out a second LIGHTSABER - one that formerly belonged to ANAKIN SKYWALKER.
The fighting continues. OBI-WAN recovers his LIGHTSABER and concludes the fight with a weapon in each hand. The TUSKENS have had enough. The TUSKEN LEADER makes a growling call and all of them run off into the fog of the storm. OBI-WAN gives one final howl in victory and deactivates the LIGHTSABERS.
OBI-WAN turns to the survivors. His facial features turn from focus to surprise as he recognizes JAR JAR.
OBI-WAN
By the Force! Jar Jar Binks?! What
in blazes are you doing out here?
JAR JAR
(in disbelief)
Obi?
ARTOO can’t believe it either.
JAR JAR
Obi Kenobi! Is you! It’s is you!
OBI-WAN
Come, my friend. We’d best get indoors.
WIPE TO:
EXT. TATOOINE - OBI-WAN’S HOME; MIDDAY
The storm continues to howl.
INT. OBI-WAN’S HOME
OBI-WAN’s home isn’t much, but it’s shelter from the storm outside. EURIPIDES is lying back in a chair, his hand to his throbbing head. EURIPIDES moans in discomfort.
OBI-WAN comes up to EURIPIDES and hands him a bandage with some medicinal herbs in it.
OBI-WAN
Here. Try this.
EURIPIDES holds the bandage to his head.
EURIPIDES
Thank you.
JAR JAR
So good seeing you’s a again.
OBI-WAN’s home is sparsely furnished. A small sofa, a chair and a stool are all the seating he has to offer. OBI-WAN takes a seat upon the stool.
OBI-WAN
Indeed.
OBI-WAN gives his attention to EURIPIDES.
OBI-WAN
(continued)
Pardon me for not properly introducing
myself, I’m Ben Kenobi.
EURIPIDES
Euripides. You already seem to know
Mr. Binks here.
JAR JAR
We’s a know each other long-o time ago.
OBI-WAN
Seeing you again brings back a lot of
old memories. Sadly, not all of them...
are... pleasant.
ARTOO chirps in agreement. EURIPIDES sits up in his chair and puts the bandage down.
EURIPIDES
I don’t mean to sound rude, but are you
the infamous Jedi General Kenobi? Hero
of the Clone Wars?
ARTOO chirps.
OBI-WAN
Ah, no. You have me confused with my
brother, Obi-Wan. I was a Padawan learner,
but I fell in love with a woman named Satine
and left the Jedi Order many years ago.
EURIPIDES is unconvinced. OBI-WAN is not a good liar. JAR JAR and ARTOO don't exactly corroborate the story.
EURIPIDES
I see. Yet you kept your lightsabers...?
OBI-WAN
My brother found me after the fall of
the Jedi. We were pursued by the Empire.
He was gravely wounded and died shortly
after we came here. His grave is out
yonder if you wish to pay your respects.
EURIPIDES
That won’t be necessary.
There is a moment of awkward silence. EURIPIDES does not believe the story and OBI-WAN knows it.
JAR JAR changes the subject.
JAR JAR
We’s a needin’ transport to Mosses Eisley.
Eurippie’s ship is there. Obi, Gungan people
been forced from Naboo. Queen o’Alderaan try
to be helpin’ us. But she an’ the little Leia
Princess gone missing with Gungan people.
The news is surprising and upsetting to OBI-WAN.
OBI-WAN
Senator Organa’s family? The Princess?
EURIPIDES
They were captured by pirates in the Abregado
system. That R2 unit hacked the pirate’s
navigation systems. They’ve taken the Queen
to Gethsoom.
JAR JAR
We’s a could really use-a help, Obi.
OBI-WAN struggles for words. Jedi normally control their emotions, but the conflict inside OBI-WAN is apparent.
OBI-WAN
Senator Organa was a friend. If I did not
have obligations here, I would gladly help
you look for his daughter. I’m sorry but I
can’t leave Tatooine. I can’t help you.
OBI-WAN fights back tears. EURIPIDES isn’t overly surprised. JAR JAR is disappointed. They say nothing as there is nothing to say.
OBI-WAN
Get some rest. When the storm passes, I
will arrange for transport.
ARTOO coos.
WIPE TO:
​
INT. OBI-WAN’S HOME; HOURS LATER
JAR JAR awakens suddenly from a nap. EURIPIDES is snoring in a nearby chair. JAR JAR gets to his feet, stretches and then curiously makes his way to the door.
​
EXT. TATOOINE - OBI-WAN’S HOME; AFTERNOON
The storm has passed. JAR JAR protects himself from the light of the binary suns of Tatooine as he looks outside. OBI-WAN is standing among the stones and calls into the air. The call is much different than the one he used during the fight with the TUSKEN RAIDERS. OBI-WAN turns to see JAR JAR and smiles.
JAR JAR
What you’s a doin’?
OBI-WAN
Calling for our rides.
JAR JAR sits down on a rock and looks around at the scenery of Tatooine.
JAR JAR
Never me’s a thought be here ’gain.
OBI-WAN
Funny how things turn out, isn’t it?
Tell me, JAR JAR, what is going on out
there? The locals who will speak to
me don’t have the most reliable information.
JAR JAR
(his mood darkens)
Empire growin’ stronger. People tradin’
freedom away. But there a rebellion out there,
Obi. No not everyone giving up on good.
OBI-WAN nods his head in approval of the growing rebellion. He then asks a very dark question.
OBI-WAN
And what can you tell me of Darth Vader?
JAR JAR becomes fearful at the mention of the name.
JAR JAR
No. No can say. Too ’fraid. Horrible things
he go done to Gungan people. Horrible things...
DARTH VADER led the subjugation of the GUNGANS. It was his forces that destroyed their homes and enslaved their race. DARTH VADER rounded up all of the GUNGAN leaders and personally executed all of them - except for JAR JAR who witnessed all of it.
JAR JAR looks up into the sky and sees an amazing sight. A massive shadow passes over him and a shrill cry fills the air. OBI-WAN looks up as well and casually announces:
OBI-WAN
Ah, our rides are here.
EURIPIDES emerges from OBI-WAN’s home. His fatigue and grogginess turn to amazed surprise as he sees three KRAYT DRAGONS fly over the hut. These massive creatures have been part of Tatooine lore since the planet was colonized. Most believe that the dragons were on the verge of extinction when the planet was first settled long ago and that any recent sightings are just the result of heat exhaustion and overactive imaginations. Few have actually seen KRAYT DRAGONS this close and survived to tell of the encounter.
The KRAYT DRAGONS circle over OBI-WAN’s home and land among the outcropping of rocks. One of the KRAYT DRAGONS gives a loud roar.
WIPE TO:
EXT. TATOOINE - DUNE SEA; LATE DAY
The KRAYT DRAGONS glide gracefully over the dessert. OBI-WAN rides the lead dragon with JAR JAR and EURIPIDES following on a second KRAYT DRAGON. The last KRAYT DRAGON holds ARTOO in its claws. ARTOO lets out a:
ARTOO
Wahoooooo!
...as the third KRAYT DRAGON flies past the camera position. The camera pans, following the KRAYT DRAGONS. Their destination, the city of MOS EISLEY, can be seen in the distance.
EXT. TATOOINE - OUTSKIRTS OF MOS EISLEY
OBI-WAN lands his KRAYT DRAGON. The other KRAYT DRAGONS follow and the riders begin to dismount.
OBI-WAN
I’m afraid we’ll have to part here. These
creatures are extremely rare and I don’t
want to catch the attention of poachers
living inside the city.
EURIPIDES
Understood.
OBI-WAN walks over to JAR JAR’s dragon as the JAR JAR dismounts and hops gracefully to the sand.
OBI-WAN
I’m sorry to do this to you my friend...
OBI-WAN waves his hand in front of JAR JAR and attempts a Jedi mind trick.
OBI-WAN
(continued)
But you must not tell anyone where I am.
JAR JAR
(unaffected)
Okey-day.
OBI-WAN is a bit confused and tries the mind trick again.
OBI-WAN
You must not tell anyone that you’ve seen me.
JAR JAR
Got it. Mine no tell. What you doin’ with you’s
a hand like that?
OBI-WAN smiles. Mind tricks will not work on JAR JAR. JAR JAR may be simple minded, but he is not weak minded. OBI-WAN hugs him.
OBI-WAN
Farewell, my friend. Find the Princess Leia.
She’s more important than you realize.
JAR JAR heads off towards the city. OBI-WAN approaches EURIPIDES, who has his back to OBI-WAN and is admiring the setting suns.
EURIPIDES
During the Clone Wars, I operated behind
Separatist lines. Gathering intel, feeding
misinformation, even rescued my fair share
of Clones and a few Jedi after that mess on
Cato Nemoidia.
OBI-WAN’s expression turns to surprise and understanding. As a Jedi General, OBI-WAN had information of operatives loyal to the Republic who were working in secret behind enemy lines. He knew of the deeds EURIPIDES accomplished but never actually learned his true identity. OBI-WAN is finally able to connect the dots.
OBI-WAN
You were the operative we nicknamed
"The Ghost’s Shadow."
EURIPIDES turns to face OBI-WAN and smiles wryly.
EURIPIDES
Nah... I was just a foolish crusader.
OBI-WAN
(smiles)
We all were.
EURIPIDES places a hand on OBI-WAN’s shoulder.
EURIPIDES
I won’t tell anyone your secret if you don’t
tell anyone mine.
OBI-WAN nods in agreement.
OBI-WAN
May the Force be with you.
EURIPIDES follows after JAR JAR. ARTOO rolls past OBI-WAN. OBI-WAN pats the droid on the head as he passes.
OBI-WAN
Take good care of them ARTOO.
ARTOO chirps an acknowledgment as he wheels away.
EURIPIDES, JAR JAR and R2 head towards the city. JAR JAR stops and looks back at OBI-WAN. EURIPIDES does the same. They watch as OBI-WAN and the KRAYT DRAGONS rise up into the air, turn, and fly towards the setting suns of Tatooine.